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Fuuuuuuuuuck you , if you don't like me :D
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Welcome to Nicole's Blog (:
This is MY blog, meaning I can do whatever I want
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^ I felt really evil up there .. oh well :]
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Biography
HAITHUR :3
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle.
But if you can't handle me at my worst,
then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
NICOOLEPALAZZOTTO;
young,stupid&restless
STA-freshman
MAYYY'95
ridingg solo
iLOVEmymains, which include;
a.armogan,r.burdeos,e.cantos,v.diep,c.gregorio,
s.ramlall,v.vivian♥
they make life so much better :]
I entered highschool not knowing what to expect. I used to be so afraid and shy.
I used to be someone who always kept thinking what if.
I used to be a different girl when I looked in the mirror. But as I entered this weird,
new world my reflection started to change. I became a whole new person. The girl I now
saw in the mirror was changed. I was so used to getting pushed around by people. Now if
you think that i'm a pushover, sorry to dissapoint but i'm not. I do what it was right
and not what is wrong. I've made so many wrongs in the past. I'm not gonna live in a reflection
of someone I used to be. The reason being, this girl doesn't exist anymore. Highschool changed me
not for the worst, but for the better. <3
NICOOLEPALAZZOTTO;
young,stupid&restless
STA-freshman
MAYYY'95
ridingg solo
iLOVEmymains, which include;
a.armogan,r.burdeos,e.cantos,v.diep,c.gregorio,
s.ramlall,v.vivian♥
they make life so much better :]Blogs to Follow :)
a click away to forever
A.Armogan♥
B.Baile♥
R.David♥
K.Calibuso♥
V.Diep♥
A.Gregorio♥
M.Johnson♥
S.Kaulitz♥
B.Kennedy♥
R.Manlansing♥
L.Mauro♥
C.Nanlal♥
S.Ramlall♥
V.Vivian♥
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Just let it be.
This post is not about anyone I just felt like wri...
Ohwow.
Talking to my bestfraaaan made my day :)
Imissmybestfriend D:
Lalalala(:
Jumbled thoughts.
Is it love or infactuation ?
Emotional Rollercoaster.
Last Minute Thinking..before I go to sleep.
This post is not about anyone I just felt like wri...
Ohwow.
Talking to my bestfraaaan made my day :)
Imissmybestfriend D:
Lalalala(:
Jumbled thoughts.
Is it love or infactuation ?
Emotional Rollercoaster.
Last Minute Thinking..before I go to sleep.
credits
sincere thanks
Leave a comment? :)
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Summmmmer Plans :)
July10'
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walk down memory lane
I can't think straight.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
9:28 PM
9:28 PM
I don't even know how to start this blog. I just erased the sentence I was gonna write four times. I've tried holding in how i've felt. I've tried talking to people. Yes, they have helped. I thank them for that. But i've realized the only person that can help me is me. This is a battle I have to fight on my own. It hurts. I haven't cried in a while. Today changed that. I cried for the first time in a long time. Not just tears that would easily go away. I mean really cry. I know crying doesn't make things better. But it get's my emotions out when I just can't find the words to say. I can't find the right words to say. I don't know what words to say anymore. I can't figure out which words can describe how i'm feeling right now. I'm not depressed but i'm not happy either. I thought I was over you, oh but I was wrong. One little thing can change how you feel in an instant, thats what happened today. You had asked me today on the bus if I still had that cat shaped box you gave me in october. Once I heard that it stayed in my head. So when I got home I went upstairs and went into my room. I closed the door, took my memory box and sat on the floor. I took out all the things that were about you. I took them all out. And I read everything. I cried because I missed how we use to feel about eachother. I hate that you lost feeling and then only thought of me as a sister. It hurt you know. And it still does. Those months that passed by I didn't show how I felt because I didn't want you to feel sorry for me. I didn't want you to feel guilty because of how you felt. So I acted as if I was okay with everything. Then on the first week of march I gave you that note explaining how I felt for months. But I wasn't the one to give it to you, because I was scared. So I gave it to her, to give to you. And once I saw her give it to you I quickly went to the second floor. I sat down by my locker and started thinking about all the negative things that we're most likely going to happen. I had so many random jumbled thoughts running through my head. It was hard to figure all of them out. Then I got home. I went on msn and you were online. You msged me right when I got online. You apologized for everything, and I knew you meant it. I forgave you because it wasn't your fault that you lost feeling. It's the memories I dwell on. But I really shouldn't. Thinking about memories is good sometimes because it reminds you that things were real. But sometimes theres no point in even thinking about memories because it makes you wish it were happening right now. Like I've said before when I think about how we felt about eachother I think that it was only a dream. But it wasn't. It was real. I know you loved me. She even told me. I asked her what you said. She told me that you did love me and your feelings were true. But you started to realize the love you had for me was more so of a sister love. Also that if you were to date me you knew it would only last like two weeks and then it would hurt me even more. But either way I got hurt. I thought I would be able to shrug it off because i've been through it before. Where guys haven't felt the same, I was used to it. I finally realized why it hurt so much. You were the only one to make me feel special, you said things to me that made me feel like you could love me forever, you made me feel so many indescribable feelings. I can barely explain how you made me feel because I can't find the right words to say. I wish it was easier to throw my feelings away. To just not care. To just move on. To just forget completely about you. But I can't do it. Not because it's difficult(even though it is) but because i love you too much to even think about doing that. Even if you will never feel the same. I still hold feelings, theres not to much now. But theres still some left. I will always be your bestfriend because it's better to be something in your life then nothing at all. I just want to feel like i'm wanted. Like you acctually want me apart of your life. For the longest time I just thought you didn't care about me because it felt like you weren't making the effort. I made so much effort for the past six months. So I told myself that now it was your turn. I decided to not talk to you first through msn or text because I always did that. I need to see that you will acctually make an effort and you have been. Hopefully it continues. Honestly the only thing I wish for, is to always be part of your life. Even if I don't play a big role I still want to be part of it. The last thing I have to say is iloveyou
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